I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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