I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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