This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize