Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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