i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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