Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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