He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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