why didn't you poke me back
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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