so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
