dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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