White coat. Heels.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
