"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
