Just fell off a train. Bad.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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