Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My penis needs a shock collar
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
third nipple confirmed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
