i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have aggressive nipples.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
