i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Buhtt sex?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
