Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
