JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
