He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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