My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
