"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
