Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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