yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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