i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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