Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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