Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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