Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
