Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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