i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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