Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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