i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
