Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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