yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
