No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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