I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
