clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
