nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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