so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
