You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
