party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Its about making memories worth repressing
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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