that's an acceptable place to lick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
