That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
