she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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