Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
