I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
