My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
