just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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