No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
