she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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