My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
