Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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