Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
