You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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