You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
