I want to have your abortion
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
