When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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