so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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