I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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