How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.