he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize