There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
