the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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