can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
