All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
