I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
