she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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